I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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