Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
