Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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