I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
