I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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