Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
