Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
