im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The Olympian is in my bed
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
