cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
