I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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