I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
