Don't make out with my wife yet
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
