I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
