You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
