I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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