Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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