my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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