i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
