I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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