oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
