I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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