Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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