you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
