It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize