ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
