You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
