i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
