I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
