Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
