R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
