Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hippo gnu deer
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize