After last night, I could never be a politician.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
