my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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