Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize