I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
