What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize