After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
