wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
