is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
