my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize