You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
