Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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