can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
