1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
