Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Pooping to opera.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
