He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
