She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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