i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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