I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
