Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
