i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i think my cat just said my name.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
