i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
