I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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