Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
