Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
