if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Four minutes until I can fart!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
How's work?
Spinning.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
