Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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