i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
