I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
