At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
