She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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