so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
well most of my day revolves around power hour
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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