If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
