my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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