the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
