Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
