OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
