Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
