She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
