So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
