Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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