What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
