A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
