Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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