I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize