I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
