I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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