My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
