the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
