i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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