I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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