Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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