marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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