i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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