its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
