sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
