Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Randomize
