my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
