all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
