pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
