He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The adults are the big ones right?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
