In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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