Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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