I like my sex mixed with concussions.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
