i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
