I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
